Movies reviewed this week: Yoga Hosers, Now you see me 2, Road Games, The Asian Connection and Bollywatch: Te3n
Cue drumroll: Yoga Hosers is a shoddy, substandard and unpleasant movie. No wait, hear me out. Colleen C (Lily-Rose Melody Depp) and Colleen M (Harley Quinn Smith) are high school best friends, convenience store cashiers and yoga nuts. They team up with a legendary manhunter (Johnny Depp) to battle with an ancient evil presence that is threatening to ruin their major party plans (hilarious!).
While the storyline makes way for an 80s high school comedy flick, there’s nothing to reminisce about here.
The duo is made to fight against Canadian Nazis and little creatures made of sausage (don’t ask). The two also have to use the yoga skills taught to them by their instructor, Yogi Bayer (Justin Long) to fight the sausage villains. The plotline and the dialogues will leave viewers cringing in their seats, so it’s best if you manage to catch some sleep while in the theatre.
Yogi, the yoga master’s dialogues include: “Destroy everything that threatens anyone or anything that you love. That’s the yoga way.”
And that’s the point: there’s really no storyline or direction to this movie. It’s humourless, plotless and lustre-less.
In many ways, it’s also insensitive towards Canadians, and I find it hard to understand how Johnny Depp managed to get tangled up in all this mayhem. Maybe he lost a bet, or lost his wife (which he did) or something. Please stay away from this film.
Review by Alvin Thomas
Now You See Me 2
The four Horsemen Daniel (Jesse Eisenberg), Merritt (Woody Harrelson), Jack Wilder (Dave Franco) and Lula (Lizzy Caplan) return for a sequel, as they undertake a new adventure – raising the limits of illusion to expose the unethical practices of tech tycoon Walter Mabry (Daniel Radcliffe). However, the illusionists are forcibly recruited by Walter to undertake a criminal task. The Horsemen must now pull off the impossible to clear their names, and expose Walter’s evil plans to the public in the process.
A young English hitchhiker, Jack (Andrew Simpson), is trying to catch a ride back to the Calais-Dover ferry after his holiday in southern France. On his way, he befriends a fellow hitchhiker Veronique (Joséphine de La Baume), who reveals that the reason they can’t find a ride is because the locals fear a “serial killer” is present among the community. The two run into Grizard (Frédéric Pierrot), a solicitous driver fond of roadkill, who takes them to his mansion that he shares with his wife. Soon enough, Jack and Veronique realise they’re not meant to leave. A must-watch for cult film aficionados.
The Asian Connection
Jack (John Edward Lee) and Sam (Byron Gibson) are American expatriates on a robbing spree, taking out banks across the coast of Southeast Asia. However, they become prime targets of a drug lord (Steven Seagal) after they unwittingly rob him of his money. After an unplanned turn of events sees Sam out of the picture, Jack turns to his girlfriend (Pim Bubear) for support before they take on the roles of modern-day Bonnie and Clyde to fight the drug lord and evade being caught.
John Biswas (Amitabh Bachchan) is a grandfather who has been chasing (for the past eight years) the kidnapper and killer of his granddaughter, Angela. The only help he receives is from Father Martin (Nawazuddin Siddiqui). With no leads in sight, a frustrated John lugs his broken-down scooter and leaves his wheelchair-bound wife Nancy to go in search of answers. However, just when John hits a dead end, another kid goes missing, and vignettes from John’s past come rushing back. He believes both cases are related. What follows is a two-track pursuit, with the cops chasing one set of clues and suspects, and John on a completely different track of his own. The plotline is excellent and Amitabh Bachchan takes the movie to a whole different level. Te3n is really worth watching.